Sunshine is one LOVE away!

The sun pierced through the curtains and into my eyes; with the rays of the sun that filtered in the curtains creating blotches that made my white walls yellowish. I closed my eyes to get more sleep but my banging head left me with no option than to stand up. I sat up for a minute and put my legs down after another. That had to do with the WhatsApp message mummy had sent me weeks before about having a heart attack if I stood up immediately I woke up. I smiled at the thought of following to the letters the same broadcast messages I condemned. I looked into the mirror and my groggy body and tired from crying eyes stared back at me. The splash of the water on my face jolted me back into the reality of the excruciating headache and imminent hunger.

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The table was filled with paperwork for the Obudu student’s vacation I was preparing for.

The madam project manager! I hail o…. Ted called out while passing through my makeshift office that was partitioned with glass. His arrival meant one thing. Meeting time. I gathered the necessary papers I was meant to tender and sashayed to the meeting room at the other part of the building downstairs.

Hello all! The chair screeched as I pulled it out to sit for the meeting. I winked at Ted and simultaneously thought of what his heartbeat sounded like. Sadly, Ted had managed to put me in the work zone. My phones’ vibration jolted me out of the noise in my head.

Excuse me! I have to take this call. It was Emmanuel. His sweet voice boomed over the phone.

“Hey, babe, what’s up? I’m about to go into a meeting and cannot talk much. Are you good?”

“Yes, sugar-foot. I’m great. I miss you. I wanted to walk about something random that happened in the office but since you can’t talk, I have to say bye…. Before you go, can we meet at your favourite place after work?”

“Sure babe, see you there”

You see, ‘random’ was our thing. Emmanuel and I knew what our daily schedules were like so calls like that were a given. There was no need to ask what time I would have rounded off because he knew that already. I met Emmanuel on the compulsory NYSC camp when I wasn’t even looking. His batch was four batches after I had rounded off and he wasn’t an eye-candy at all. He was good-looking but he needed something extra to take him to the “sight for sore eyes” level. He had eyes for me but the fact that I was strict and thought him my junior didn’t help him come near. My birthday came and the only gift that stood out came from an unsigned source till he reached out again after two years. He talked about wanting to be someone I will be proud of because he understood who I wanted and how he had always been with me without my knowing. That did my heart good. Our relationship which ended at six months was sealed with a deal. After work, we met at my favourite place and had random conversations as always.

One thing that remained unsolved was our conversation about religion. Emmanuel was a moralist and atheist. Our meeting that day made our future problems very visible. We both couldn’t look the other way. Normally, he said things like “there is no God”, “you think I will allow my children to go to church and get brainwashed with you?”, yet I overlooked it with love. Till he said “I probably would have to stop you from going to church” like I was something that didn’t deserve an opinion and a choice. Like I needed to be allowed…. and I knew it was still early to shut down what was between us.

I still ate the food but threw up and cried when I got home like it would change our situation. Nothing changed.

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I stared back at the mirror with the understanding that love doesn’t fix everything… and that is okay too.