Hypocrite or NAH?

Holla people...

Its been a short while right... I know. Say welcome to the Princess.

It's taking me a lot of confidence to  write about this topic. Hypocrite or nah...
You see, I got introduced to sex without my permission. The sad rape. Yeah. Some people who know may just be hearing, actually seeing this for the first time. Two more followed and I didn't even know what to think about my situation. Some people thought I should be broken, sad, angry and all of those negative emotions. I think I was just more careful about life. Note that all rape episodes happened in late childhood. The last I faced happened when I was in university but he didn't pull through.


In university, I met this amazing guy who I now think was dealing with a lot. He promised to deal with everyone that had ever touched me and wanted to help me forget my experiences. Guess how! By introducing me to better sex. I can't remember how that went but I know we broke up after a while. No. I'm not a saint but every time I tried to have sex with someone, I stopped abruptly because I just couldn't. Some more things stopped me apart from trauma. Religion, God, Church and the number of teenagers looking up to me.
Soon enough, I did have sex.
That took me far from God and church. I ran away from church because I couldn't face God afterwards. I couldn't pray or praise. How did I ever find myself in this pit of fornication? I promised never again. Then, I realized it wasn't by my power, might or strength.

Today, I'm still single?
Why? Most relationships of today don't kick off without sex. I've known this very amazing guy for a while who wanted a relationship with me. We once had a moment and as usual, I felt terrible. He kept talking about our starting a proper relationship. I thought to give him a chance and we had to talk about the big sex.
His response to all was: I am a faithful guy and I can't do a relationship without sex. I have to get it from you. WOW! He's amazing. I don't want to let him go too. Right now, we are still together, maybe because we don't see. I know this won't last for long. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I teach teens and I want them to be able to do as I do and not as I say.

 I already know that premarital sex is based on a lie and I am no longer making compromises with the hope of holding on to love. Not again!

Why am I writing this today sef? Lol. This is the only issue that has tugged at my mind for a long time and I need sanity from it.

This! is my sanity.

On a lighter note, am I the only one that thinks some kind of premarital sex is "waste of sin?"

If you read this, please leave a comment.
It is your right and my joy.

Cheers!

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